I am adult.
summah time
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You know what the best part of owning one's own business?

Being your own boss.

Being one's own boss also means not getting in trouble for telling a particularly horrible dance Mom: "If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart."

To her face.

A new St. Patrick's tradition
wistful
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Bottle of wine, entire grocery store chicken, and Netflix.

Maximum single life level achieved.

Bwhahahaha
team
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So I'm up early, as is my wont these days, and I'm watching the news.

So the Republican't guy Ron Blake just had to cancel filming for a new tv spot, because, get this, all of his equipment turned to bacon.

Like. The camera was camera-shaped bacon. The microphone was micro-phone shaped bacon. It was all bacon.

Obviously a mutant did it, according to the news and Ronny-boy, and if it was then they get my kudos. I mean, yeah, we look super bad now, but seriously. Bacon. The most I ever managed was getting the toaster to toast the exact shape of Saskatchewan for a day and a half. I am impressed.

Also. My sinuses are informing me it may be our little New York jokester.

Eeeeeeeee
team
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I've been contacted about tutoring a pair of six-year-old twins. I was hesitant, but then their mother included a video. I have never hit YES!!! so fast in my life.

Seriously. I'm adopting them.

[[Video Mia and Tia - Pon Pon Dance]]

guess what!
team
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I spent the day in bed with lots of painkillers, but that was due to birthday shenanigans and not because of any life-threatening injury. HA. TAKE THAT BIRTHDAY CURSE.

mwahahahaha
team
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Who's got two thumbs and didn't have to go to work today and thus got to sleep in?

This girl!

I want to extend my warmest regards to our friends in New York for all of their hospitality. They sure know how to make a girl feel welcome.

(and in the interest of not having various body parts "scattered all over the former soviet block," my camera memory card has been subsequently removed and awaits your tender retrieval. But I shall treasure my memories always.)

Hey, boys?
team
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A lesson for the future:

If you are "dating" a girl, whom you've referred to as your "girlfriend" on more than occasion, it's probably not a good idea to stop returning her phonecalls or text messages, and drop off the face of the planet only to magically reappear at some dive bar in Brooklyn you frequented with said "girlfriend," sucking face with another chick.

If you've got a Y chromosome, don't talk to me today. Or I might be forced to do to you what I did to Travis, which was to kick his testicles into his spine.


Stupid shit-eating douchebag ASSHOLE.

Can't ... breathe...
team
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Oh, beautiful, beautiful, benevolent, loving powers that be. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for delivering what is quite possibly the best laugh I've had in my entire life. I am literally crying with joy.

New girl! Your squirrel shall never go without treats, as long as Auntie Jennie is around.

Getting this party started early
team
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Just had a guy drunkenly inform me he wasn't wearing hockey shorts. He was very insistent on it. Then he vomited in the elevator.

Oh New York. Never change.

Hey!
team
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Why does Santa have three gardens?

....

....

....

So he can Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

Thank you, thank you, I'm stuck in Connecticut for the next five days, please, try the fish...

?

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